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  (in)visible

  Talie D. Hawkins

  Kindle Edition

  copyright 2015, T. D. Hawkins

  1.

  The rush of the evening commuters had come and gone. They’d always arrive in a whirlwind, desperate to get a jolt of caffeine to help them through the rest of the night and whatever was waiting for them at home. Once they were gone, the coffee shop always seemed too quiet. This is when I would sneak my schoolbooks behind the counter and get to work on my homework. It was just after 10:00 pm and I was deep in thought as I typed my American History paper on WWI. The bell that chimed when someone would walk in startled me. The coffee shop had had one customer in the last hour and my mind was too comfortable with the quiet. I heard them before I saw them. A large group of kids from my school walked in and it was obvious that they had been drinking. I took a deep breath and braced myself for what was about to come.

  “I need coffee,” one girl slurred at me. It was freezing outside and she was wearing a silver mini-dress that hugged her curves. I wondered how she wasn’t suffering from hypothermia. I also hoped she hadn’t been behind the wheel.

  As she and her group of friends ordered their drinks I could see the headlights of other cars pulling into the parking spaces outside. More kids from school spilled in, rowdy and obnoxious. I made their drinks and tried to keep each order short and sweet, but then I caught sight of Logan. He was one of the last people to walk in. My mind instantly flashed to when we were six years old, and I couldn’t help but notice that he looked the same. His sandy hair was still threatening to be curly, and there was the faintest smear of freckles that rested on the bridge of his nose. His blue eyes still looked like they were up to something.

  “I said a vanilla latte!”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. Coming right up!” I shook off my little trip down memory lane and got to work on one of my school’s beloved cheerleader’s drinks. Once everyone was served, they regrouped in the center of the shop and talked about where the next party was. I saw Logan excuse himself as he stumbled to the bathroom. One by one they started to file out and drive off. I just prayed they had all had enough coffee to sober up. I glanced at the clock and was relieved that it was time to lock up. I started cleaning up for the night, putting dishes away and wiping down tables.

  “Dicks!” I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard Logan yell. “I can’t believe they took off without me!” I was clutching the front of my apron, trying to calm my racing heart when he looked in my direction.

  “You scared the crap out of me!” I managed to say.

  “Meg?” He asked as if he didn’t know, but he knew. He shook his head as he ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “My cell was in Blaine’s car. Can I use your phone to get a ride?”

  “I’ll give you a ride home.”

  “Really? Thanks.”

  I locked up the shop behind us and walked awkwardly to my car as he followed. We got into my little silver hatch back and I prayed he wouldn’t puke in it. I didn’t have much, but I had slaved to save up for my car. It would be heartbreaking to have it violated in that way. As we pulled out he started to explain how to get to his house.

  “Logan, I know where you live. I was your neighbor until fourth grade.”

  “Right, sorry. I forgot.”

  How could he, really? I wished I could. He was with my brother and me every day. It had been six years since Noah died. Six years since we moved away because my mother couldn’t stomach looking at his bedroom. I spent all of fourth grade not speaking- even to Logan. Nothing in my world made sense when Noah died. My big brother was taken from me and I wanted nothing to do with the world. Logan and I drifted and became strangers. He never once asked about any of it, and I was fine with that because I had nothing to say. Even on this car ride, with his drunk ass next to me, I preferred that we act like strangers.

  I pulled up in front of his house. It looked exactly the same. He had no idea that some nights I parked across the street from this spot so I could picture my brother and me on the lawn, playing and screaming until my mom called us in for dinner. I tried not to look in his direction, but I could see out of the corner of my eye that he was almost asleep with his head turned in my direction. “We’re here,” I said, as I wondered how we had become strangers to each other so easily.

  “Thanks for the ride,” he slurred as he opened the door.

  “No worries.”

  He turned in my direction one more time before going, but left whatever was on his mind unspoken before he walked away. I didn’t drive off right away. Instead, I watched him stumble to his front door and go inside. I must have walked through that door a hundred times when we were kids. I wondered if the giant painting of hydrangeas still greeted people when they walked in. I took a deep breath and shook off my melancholy. It was time to head home, but something told me my past would keep me awake.

  2

  The sound of rain woke me up the next morning. Not having the sun come out tricked me into sleeping longer than I had planned. Luckily it was Saturday and my day off from the coffee shop. I didn’t have much planned besides studying and picking up my paycheck. It seemed like the perfect day to sip a latte and relax with my books. I forced myself out of bed and grabbed a pair of jeans and a white tee shirt as I headed into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I took a moment to stare at the dark rings under my eyes. It had taken a long time for me to fall asleep and it showed. The rings took away from the green of my eyes. I thought about covering them up with make up but decided against it. Who would I be trying to impress anyway?

  My blonde curls were a mess, so I scooped them up into a ponytail and sprayed them with something that was supposed to help with the frizz. I grabbed my black pea coat off of the hook and headed into the rain. The tops of my red converse got wet so I made sure to turn on the foot heater once my car was warmed up.

  I was greeted by the shop owners, Betsy and Mark, as soon as I walked in. “Meg, we give you the weekend off so you can do fun things.” Betsy was always encouraging me to be more social.

  “I can’t have much fun without my paycheck.” I smiled a shy smile at her and heard Mark laugh a little under his breath as he prepared someone’s drink. “You’ll have to put up with me for a little while. I have to study.”

  “Have to or want to?” She asked.

  “Is it bad if I choose both?” She didn’t answer. Just shook her head at me.

  “I’ll make your chai latte,” she said with disappointment in her tone.

  I went to where the comfortable sofas were and plopped my backpack down, but I was startled when someone touched my shoulder from behind. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you jump.” It was Logan. “I just wanted to say thanks for the ride. Last night is a blur. I’m sorry if I said or did anything stupid.” My brain had to take in the fact that he was speaking to me.

  “It’s fine. You were fine.” I stared at him, not knowing what else to say, but I could see there was more on his mind.

  “There you are. What’s taking so long, Logan?” Blaine Evans announced as she walked into the shop. It was hard not to notice how perfect she was. Not a strand of her straight, dark hair was out of place, and her make up hid any evidence of the hangover she must have been nursing. “I thought you were getting coffee? My head is killing me.” She rolled her eyes as she said it. Logan squeezed his eyes shut for a second. It looked like he was trying to brace himself.

  “You’re not working today?”

  “No, I just came in to study.”

  “Oh, then I’m glad I caught you. I’ll see you at school.”

  He shoved his hands in his pockets and joined Blaine at the counter. A few minutes later they were headed out. He paused at the door to give me a small smile before he left.
/>   Once I was satisfied that I had committed every detail of my American History class to memory, I packed up and headed to my favorite place- the bookstore. I had a few things on hold, and was excited for some new reading material. Parker, who worked at the book store, was the closest thing I had to a friend.

  “What’s shakin’ bacon?” he asked as soon as he saw me. I smiled at his familiar greeting.

  “Not much. I have been pretty darn bored.”

  “Well, here- these should help,” He said as he plopped my stack of books on the counter. “Is this all you do for fun, Meg?” he asked as he rang me up.

  “Should I do something else? Isn’t that bad for business?”

  “Well, you are my family’s best customer.” He handed me my bag and I thanked him. Once I was home, I plopped on my bed and got cozy. I cracked open a book and started to read, but something in the back of my mind kept nagging at me. It was Logan. I didn’t know why, but my mind kept circling back to him. I had been able to shove our friendship away to a place where I kept it hidden, but more memories crawled their way back to me and it made it impossible to concentrate.

  3

  I tried to pretend it wasn’t Monday, even though my alarm clock relentlessly beeped in my ear. I slapped it a little harder than necessary and got myself ready for school. My mom was at the kitchen table, sipping coffee in her robe. I was surprised to see she had made some toast. I was used to fending for myself when it came to food. My mom had given up on most of her responsibilities after my brother died. It didn’t seem to matter that I needed her.

  “Thanks Mom.” I grabbed a slice and smeared strawberry jam and butter on it.

  “Grab a coat. It’s chilly out.” This was her effort at parenting. She didn’t even bother to look at me as she said it. If she had, she would have seen that my jacket was on.

  I was in a fog as I entered the school building. My weekend had been weird, and I was pretty tired from lack of sleep the night before.

  “Hey, Meg.” Logan popped up right in front of me. He held his jacket in his hands and nervously fiddled with it.

  “Hi.”

  “How was your weekend?” I spotted Blaine at the other end of the hall. She caught sight of us and started walking our way.

  “It was good. I have to get to class.” I brushed past him and the puzzled look on his face. I had managed to stay invisible and survive high school the best I could. The last thing I wanted was to be on his girlfriend’s radar. She was notorious for making the lives of my classmates a living hell if you crossed her.

  Lucky for me, I didn’t have to deal with either of them in any of my morning classes. That wasn’t the case when lunchtime came around. I found my usual hiding place at the far end of the campus. It was a little tree I sat under. No one seemed to make it out this far, and I usually had the place to myself. That wouldn’t be the case today.

  “Mind if I sit?” Logan flopped on the ground before I had a chance to answer.

  “How did you know where to find me?” I didn’t think anyone knew where this spot was.

  “What? You’re lunch spot? I pay attention.” He reached into his backpack and pulled out a bag of chips and a can of pop.

  “Won’t your girlfriend be looking for you?”

  “Who? Blaine? She’s not my girlfriend. Thank god,” he said with a bitter laugh.

  “And you let her bark at you like she does? Why?”

  “Enough about my love life. Why do you sit all the way out here by yourself?

  “Why has it taken you until now to ask me that?”

  He only shook his head at me in response. “You haven’t changed at all.”

  “You’re wrong.” I packed my things and got up to leave. I wasn’t ready to face all the reasons we had grown apart.

  “Hey, wait!” He grabbed my arm before I could get far. “I wasn’t trying to upset you. I just wanted to talk.”

  “Logan, we don’t have anything to talk about. We were friends a lifetime ago. I’m not that girl anymore.”

  He took a step closer and reached behind my head. I looked at him with confusion as he pulled my rubber band from my ponytail. He studied me for a second. I felt foolish standing there with my hair down.

  “Yeah, you’re exactly the same,” was all he said before he walked away.

  My little interaction with Logan left me in an odd mood for the rest of the day. I was so lost in my thoughts that I almost didn’t notice Blaine pulling out the chair next to me during my last class. I always sat in the back, keeping myself as out of focus from everyone as possible. The fact that she was joining me couldn’t be a good sign. “I can’t imagine why Logan is suddenly so interested in you, but I really hope you don’t get the wrong idea,” she whispered to me in the most patronizing tone I had ever heard.

  “Wrong idea?” I had to ask.

  “Well, you know- after you gave him a ride home he’s been paying a little attention to you. It could give you the wrong idea.” I had to roll my eyes and hold back a bitter laugh that was threatening to escape. “I just don’t like anyone playing with what’s mine.”

  “Wait, are you threatening me?” I had to ask, almost not able to believe I was having this conversation.

  “If that’s what it takes.”

  “If he means so much to you, why did you leave him behind the other night?” She didn’t answer me right away, just shot me daggers instead.

  “You’re pretty ballsy for such a quiet person.”

  I decided that was my moment to disengage from the conversation. I turned in my seat and got to work. I had no interest in getting involved in any drama with Blaine.

  4

  I had almost forgotten about my weird encounter with Blaine as I left the school building, but it replayed in my mind when I saw Logan standing by my car. “Hey, I was waiting for you,” he said in a cheerful and familiar voice that bothered me.

  “Why?” I felt bad for asking it in a rude way.

  “I...I don’t know.” He dug his hands deep into his pockets and shrugged his shoulders. “I guess I just wanted to talk.” He smiled as he said it, looking exactly like the little boy I remembered.

  “That’s a bad idea, Logan. I got enough grief from Blaine today. I have a hard enough time without adding her to the mix.” Suddenly little boy Logan was gone, replaced by a much older, much angrier Logan.

  “What did she say to you?” His jaw was a tight, straight line and his hands automatically balled into fists.

  “Nothing. I just think it would be best if we stayed away from each other.”

  “Why? Because of her? She’s not my keeper.”

  I opened my car door and tossed my bag inside. “Tell her that.” I got in before he could respond.

  I was bothered by the fact that Logan thought he could walk back into my life after all this time, and even more bothered that it was making my days at school complicated. There was only one person I could talk to about this, and decided to make a pit stop on my way home.

  Williams Cemetery was just a few minutes from home. The drive through the pines was peaceful and somehow prepared me for my visits to Noah. When I pulled through the gates I could see that the trees were almost bare and the grounds were covered in the colors of fall. “Big brother, my little plan at being invisible is exploding in my face,” I said as I cleaned up his grave. Noah’s tombstone was covered. I wiped the old leaves away and used my sleeve to clear some spots from where his name was etched. “Logan thinks he can waltz back into my life and be a friend. Is it bad that I’m so bitter? Besides, I don’t need any complications or attachments when I leave for school.” It felt good to say what I was thinking out loud, even if it was to a piece of stone. I hoped Noah was always with me, but I felt closer to him when I was here.

  The wind started to pick up and it looked like a storm was brewing. “I guess I need to go. I miss you. Be safe wherever you are.” I wiped a tear away. Even after all this time, it never got easier. I kissed my fingers and placed them on
his name.

  My shift at the coffee shop made the rest of the day fly by. I still had time to work on a few assignments when I got home, but my day was nagging at the back of my mind. I finally tossed my homework aside and called it a night, hoping that a good night’s sleep would shake Logan’s lingering effects on my mood.

  The next few days at school seemed uneventful, aside from the occasional dirty look I would get from Blaine, or the awkward smile I’d get from Logan. I hoped it would pass and I’d go back to being invisible to him again, but the end of the week proved that wouldn’t happen. I had stopped at my locker to switch out books when I felt someone shove me from behind. I knew who it would be before I even turned around. Blaine stood with a hand on her hip, glaring at me through perfectly made up eyes.

  “Did you really think it would be smart to tattle on me to Logan?”

  “Walk away, Blaine. I don’t need any drama.” I tried to push past her, but she didn’t budge.

  “Too late for that,” she said as she stepped a little closer into my personal space. I wasn’t prepared for her hand hitting my chest and slamming me into my locker. I had to process that this was really happening. School fights were something I saw in movies. I didn’t think people resorted to them in real life.

  “Hey! Break it up!” I heard our Vice Principal shout from across the hall.

  Twenty minutes later I was sitting in our Principal’s office, waiting to see what punishment he would hand down to me. “Megan Winters. One of my top students. Never thought you’d be in my office for this reason.” He raised an eyebrow at me. “Anything you’d like to say?” I thought for a moment. I could tell him it was her fault- that she had started it- but I was sure she was pleading the same case to the Vice Principal at that same moment.

  “No, Sir. It was stupid.”

  “Very well,” he said with a heavy sigh. “You’ll need to perform two hours of community service. I’ll expect to see you at the Winter Social to serve refreshments.” So that was my punishment. I knew he was being easy on me, but somehow I knew this dance would feel like torture.